aww..

today was a very tiring day... also very strange as my class so little people come.. then during assembly at first also only me and xuan... then came kash then we joined 5N1 class for assembly so fwens frm other classes thought my class didnt come 2dae... then later more of them came then 9 ppl were in total.. dnt.. went thru theory. then poa class and chem and ss.. by SS period which was the last two periods onli 4 ppl left: me, xuan, kash and shirah.. after tt onli me left.. then went toilet.. met haja there.. then checked my handphone got missed call so i called back. then tis haja tot i talking to some secret person as i went to the last cubicle to talk.. it's because they were so noisy. then while i was talking didnt know that haja was spying on me when i sw her i screamed cause she scared me... BUT haja.. u will never know who i was talking to.. haha!!! i win!! LOL!!!


For SS S3P went to AVA.. i was the only 5N3 student and incidentally the only gal in the whole 5N.. after SS then got hist.. i was the onli person.. so 1 on 1 with ms wong.. first time haha..
then went tao payoh library to study.. didnt come straight home as i will plunge straight into my bed or use this laptop.. then ate at macdonald's and did some chem revision. then bought something along the way and took a bus home.. took a bath and here i am!! going to sleep anytime. but must let my hair dry up first... ahh!!! 2mr last day of skool. as in normal skool day.. awww.. very sad!! will be leaving singapore on the 29th of november.... dont want to go back.. but wad to do!! no choice.

YAWN....

oh gosh!!so tired!! going to sleep after this post...

morning got tuition.. so decided to go early... went to kovan for a while then went to tuition at my relative's house at hougang.. then told my relatives that my ticket is confirmed at 29th of november... yea i am leaving singapore 4eva this year.... (aunt and i quarelling over our views at something at the moment haha).. then they are like "what"?? cause they are supposed to take me along when they go... but i dont mind going alone mah.. i have come from nepal alone in transit flight last year.. then now i can wad.. anw next month singapore's airline is going and it is a direct flight.. makes it easier for me too.. haha..

then headed down to bugis to buy clothes.... met my friend der and shopped 2gether.. then ate KFC and headed home... tired ady.. gonna sleep now. nitex.

tired!!!

oh my gosh!! so tired.. just arrived home at 6pm. now listening to music.. well school was ok...
my english S3P.. oh my god.. ms sita went thru my compo on e spot.. it was a horrible plus terrible compo as i didnt do it properly during class.. so many mistakes missed out so many punctuations in my dialogues... rarely use dialogues in my compe but now i see the importance.. glad i did..got back my compre practice paper.. the marks sucks... 22/50.. oh checking my mail now.. my best friend has wrote a testi for me..it's been long since we talked.. well she is in USA and i am here. it's no wonder.. but we still keep in touch.

wah just now during class also have head pain luckily had my medicine with me.. and yeah in the morning i told ms dee tt i had 4gotten to bring my MC and she said give it to me 2mr. then i went for recess.. while i was taking out my money, i realised tt it was in my pocket. i felt so foolish.. when i told my fwens, they laughed at my silliness.. haha.now no one is at home.. uncle duty,, the kids and aunt dont know where they go.. listening to jay chou's songs.. i think cheryl introduced it to me then subsequently fewns started to send me as they knew tt i like his songs, even though i dont understand wad the songs means i just like it.. haha.


just now during chem S3P.. was sitting with fwens. then der is dis particular guy( will not mention names) he like not happy.. he siad tero aama when i said smth.. tero aama means ur mother in nepalese.. i was like so angry.. i swear i could have screamed at him at tt moment if i did not control myself.. i just hate the sight of him.. ermm i got a call. if we were not in e library then good luck to him.. how dare he talk abt other ppl's mom..

oh my gosh.. i just went toilet and when i came back, i accidentally stepped on a small piece of glass which i was not aware of.. then wah vey painful. in e end i took it out with my nail clipper.. so painful.. ok wrote too much already.. have to go sleep now. gd nite peepz.

sick..

just woke up from afternoon nap.It's 5:30om now.. didnt go to school 2dae as i was having bad headache and so went to the doctor.. also had bodyache nowadays.. she said it's because of stress.. haiz.. then came bak home. ate lunch and then started to talk to cheryl online then later talked on the phone as the two younger gals wanted to talk to her.. then after a while. she put down e phone. used e laptop for a while then went to sleep after taking my medicine cause my headache became worse...now eating potato chips and watching channel 8 drama.. gonna study now.. in my room update later again.

Confusion state

never blog for a few days ady. mum i miss you.... bro,sis and dad miss u tooo... miss my family so much. things for e last few days i guess was ok. still uncle is after me for my details for when i am going back..ya i am going back soon...in a month time... i dont like him at all. always talk to me in tt tone tt he is not happy at all.. tt's y dont like to see him. today.. well nth much to blog about... very tired. having headche,

i feel so lost in this path of life.. dont know where i am heading to and wat lies ahead of me.. i have fear of so many things.. so many questions run around in my head and this makes me feel more and more worried... i need answers to these questions.. anw i am so looking forward to 2mr's skool as i am really bored at home.. aunt says we are going to have noodles for dinner..!! I DONT WANT!! morning for breakfast also ate noodles.. reminds me of tt day in skool.. haha.. so funny. i suddenly have the craving for KFC... dont know why also.

i dont have too much time too stay in singapore.. i cant bear to leave.. anw gtg bathe and eat dinner.. will continue to update. bb

tiring day

Tired and sleepy. My day so far was ok... my poa and ss class clashed... so now on tues and thurs poa is on diffrent timeslot back to last year.. just a small group of us except sanjit. he under mr emery lim.. then later had phy. failed. expected. haiz.

trying to encourage myself to work hard.. well i have to. got evening clinic for three whole weeks but i tink it is good as it will make us discipline ourselves to study. the construction for e condominium so damn noisy sia... arrghh.. headache ah!!!! then had eng and chem ACT. 2dae also a bit blur.. intepretated so many things wrongly. did badly for my prelims. mr emery lim talked to me.. aiya.

tired lah. want to go sleep ady. nitex.

blurry me

wah lah today very scary sia.. today at the middle of the night suddenly so many aunties were screaming for joy... at 2:45 am leh.. i was scared out of my wits.. i live on the 12th floor... those living below me and including my aunt were screaming... i thought the building was going to collapse.. then i went out to e living room to find out that prashant tamang had won the indian idol.. he is a nepalese. my aunt was so happy that she threw her water bottle ( luckily not at my direction, anw it was empty) then i went back to sleep.. then i dreamt about my mom who is actually not anymore in this world.. that she came back to life. but it seemed as if she was lifeless cause in my dream she didnt talk, eat or drink. she would onli stare at the ceiling endlessly.... i wondered whether she was really alive.. then i woke up. at the library during evening clinic i wondered whether there was a meaning to this dream. cause i remember father say maybe it was better she passed away cause she was having asthma then to suffer everyday and the suffer may be endless.. i know my father did not mean that he wanted my mom to die.. just that he tot maybe it was better for my mom.. he is also sad tt mom is no more... i miss my mom.. my whole family. bro sis and dad in nepal. i am e only one in my family that is here...

oh my gosh!!! i am so damn tired!! three days no proper sleep. today i very de blur.

say so many things wrongly.. paiseh.....
morning: while doing SS practice paper, wrote my name, class and date on the wrong space....

After recess: ms janice yong was at e staircase waiting for 5N pupils to head up to AVA... i greeted her but with wrong name.
me to miss yong: good morning ms goy
miss yong: .... she didnt say anything as she did not hear me..

english period: wanted to ask mr francis how to do correction.. nearly called him mr lee at first time.. second time nearly called him mr loo...haha.
xuan and i kept laughing throughout the lesson.

english S3P: wrote my corrections wrongly time and again.. so irritated.after evening clinic: sat at e canteen to continue with work. daryl and marshely sitting in front of me..then when going home i said bye to marsh.. daryl said bye but i did not hear then he was like hey! then i was like oh sorry bye.. paiseh lor... very blur at tt moment also . haha.then came home bathe.. continued with work.. prepared dinner. ate and here i am now!! listening to music...

today was one such tiring and memorable day... too lazy to write. nitex.

another skool day...

hey!! today was not a bad day.. had poA paper 2 in e morning followed by dnt. went to design studio to find out that mr lee is actually sick.... then went to call sebast, vin and zy to go and see mr lee. saw pau and jerald along e stairs talking. then met waty along e way and i asked her to follow to tell them. just when we reach e canteen saw vin sitting down with his food. he so happy tt mr lee was on MC too bad he heard the first part only.. then i asked them to go and see mr lee then zy said i wait for him to go home first. vin said" u want me to carry my food to e studio ah?"
fortunately, they came be4 mr lee left.

then too lazy to do folio go downstairs to workshop. most doing practical so i went upstairs again. skali jerald came saying tt fauzy maybe saw e moderator then i quickly put away my folio. they moved into e workshop then later see aztually zy was mistaken. he scared me sia.

then i wanted to do the measurements of my artefact parts then mr andy asked me to do some of e things. i agreed naturally. then do do do... after a while zy they all went home and max came..YAY!! SO HAPPY!! FINISHED ARTEFACT!!! and then went canteen and came home. wanted to meet daryl but sorry i was busy aite. now back on my laptop. 2mr must pass up dnt folio and 2mr have dnt prelim!!!

normal day

Today... not a bad day.. science mcq prelim in e morning.. well i guess it was managable. then went for dnt..did a bit of folio mostly talked and listened to music lor.. then later wanted to go home.. met vin and waty, vin & i began to set off for home. we were outside e general office, after talking for a while, vin told us to go home 1st as mr lee had told him to wait then we discussed and decided to study poa in canteen. then, we saw mr lee coming in frm e gate then we run to e canteen. luckily he didnt come der. then we started talking.. jokes.. vin's "compo" was funny.. then later waty went home and after an hour vin studied for abt two min then went home. maya came at 4pm and sat in front of me. then after an hour went home, bath, help aunt cook dinner then eat and chatted with zy and dylan. tt zy asked me to view a website then i got really scared in e end cause it was scary.. and then talked to dylan... now in aus.. fun talking to him,... and now here i am on my laptop once more!! need to do some serious studying for poa 2mr. bet it's gonna be tough. anw i am worried for my sis, bro and dad. i dont know y.. i hope everythng will turn back to normal. i really do. an gotta sleep now. wanna wake up in e morning to study poa. nitez.

my life's been hectic for the last four days!! i will write more 2mr.

another bad day.

Today was not good either!!! Intended to wake up at 6:55am as usual but damn. I switched off the alarm clock and slept until 7:o5am. When i woke up, i was in a rush. Took a quick bath, brushed my teeth and then quickly dressed up and packed my bag! I then rushed to the lift to hear the school bell ring!! i was like oh no!! Then reached skool at 7:25am. Phew!! Then i suddenly remebered tt my POA lesson was before recess!! I was like oh crap. I havent done the homework!! Somemore the first period was history. She scolded all of us. Nth new. LOL. Then i got to know tt i failed her test and she was like so angry. Then she said" you are my top girl. remember u went to the stage to collect the prize for being top in combined humanities in last year in "N" lvl.". Then malu.. every1 luaghed at me. I was like wadever can...


Then during POA lesson.. GOSH!! Half the class didnt bring the book and mr loo was so angry. At first he didnt know. Ard me most of them didnt bring. So firstly Lynn took my book and shared with nisha. I was like.. TT'S MY BOOK!! Then marshely and i had nth to refer. Then jovin asked for my book. Then i lend it to him. Then paulina asked frm him. Then she passed it back to jovin. Then marsh borrowed frm sanjit. Then vin returned my book and nisha,marsh. me and lynn shared the book. When mr loo passed our table.. he was like.. among the four of u only one brought the book!!! Then he asked those who never bring to stand then he started to scold all of them!!

Then the rest of the lessons were quite ok. Argghh. English block test was hard. Then had to take phy block test as i was absent last wednesday.Not gd either. Met vin and adrian on the way. Told me wad was cumin out. i told them no use even if u tell me coz i didnt study!! They were heading for dnt. By the time my phy blk test finished.. the workshop closed!!! Arghh!! Today was really a horrible day. SIGH!! now have to go sis's house to overnight.
ok gtg study for chem. 2mr got chem blk test.

My day so far.

Crap!! Crap!! Today was a total crap day!! woke uo at 9am coz aunt had started to scream again! arghh!! i was like so tired but i still had to wake up. I then ate breakfast and took a bath. later then ate lunch. Then sis called to follow her to hospital. We fought over the phone.

Then met her a few minutes later and made our way to Mount Alvernia Hospital in a taxi. I HATE TAXIS. After i get off the taxi i always vomit what i ate. I dont know why i am like tt. After we were waiting to pay the fees, my sister suggested that we go to another private hospital as she did not get to do scanning of her nose. She thinks she has cancer. She is like so being paranoid. Just becuz ine of our uncles nearly had cancer, she became so paranoid tt she went to hospita; for every little sickness to find tt it is not so serious. Then we fought again. Then when we wanted to pay, i realised tt my uncle had not even put money in my bank. Then trouble started again. I was so angry tt i was cursing tt uncle. Damn i was like so angry. Then later he put the money and then we headed off to Mount Elizabeth hospital in a TAXI AGAIN!! I WAS LIKE ARRGHH!!

I asked cheryl whether she knew of any other private hospital. Her reply was raffles. But it is expensive there so in the end we went to elizabeth instead. Then after we got off, truly enough i vomitted what i had ate. I suddenly felt very sick but i suppressed it. Then we registered and sis had to tale an eye test. After consulting the doctor, sis went for CT scanning. Damn we were at the hospital the whole afternoon.

Then it was dinner time and the results still didnt come. So we went for dinner then made our way back to the hospital. The doctor said it was nothing serious. We then collected the medcinie. The fee was $529. I was like so shocked!!! Then we made our payment and then headed for home IN A TAXI AGAIN!!! My sis has spent over 1000 bucks for her health!! So much!!

And here i am now. Still having HEADACHE. SIGH!!! ok gtg sleep liao.

Boring Sunday

damn. gastric pain disturbed my beauty sleep in e morning. woke up at 7am.
haiz. too lazy to eat so came online.. onli 3 ppl online.. Jovin,adrian, and sly.
then viewed this guy's blog. just knew him onli.
then later bathe and then ate breakfast.
then watched TV. spongebob and power ranger SPD. shit. tt was the last episode.
haiz. dont watch tv nwadays.. the kids and aunt are always on it.
so i dont get a chance. miss all the cartoons like power rangers, pokemon, spongebob, ultraman, winx club and alot more.. so childish!!!

i am 17 yrs old and i still watch these cartoons!! but i love these cartoons. i just love it.weee. since young.
ppl say" u so old ady still watch". i say" so wad? old cannot watch ah"?
but since sec 5 started my god.. no time no watch tv animore.. my life evolves ard skool... friends.. tuition and computer!!!
i rarely go out. well tt's me. hmm.. i go out like thrice in a year..
ya i know tt is totally mad but since young i play all day long downstairs with my friends tt i didnt really have ineterest in going out.. watching movies.. shopping.. omg!!

i hate shopping. i am so not like a girl. i just dont like going out. 15 years of my life..
i spent it playing... going out onli when parents say let's go..
i had no interest in fashion and those girlish stuff..
until i joined gals club in my gurkha camp.. then started putting on make up and earrings.. then i started dressing up.. went out with ma sis to watch movies.. ah
but since i enter this year.. i rarely go out not counting when i have to go kovan for tution every sat.

now three months left to stay here in sg.
. i have to leave for nepal after os. which means november i will be gone.. forever.
dont know whether i acan come back to singapore or not.
i hope i can. all my friends are here in sg...
well meaning skool friends... made so many friends from 4E2.. they are great.
i have not danced for such a long time... no time!! mayb will start soon.. lols.

the one week in spent in nepal last year

As usual.. every saturday.. the day goes by so fast.. wake up at 9 in e morning.. then bathe.. eat breakfast.. go tuition.. then come back play comp.. the internet also so wah liao.. it comes and go.. so irritating.. mummy i need u.. omg my neighbour the sound system is in full blast... oopsss.... i just realised it is in this very house.. shucks. phew.. just switched it off.. damn the kids.. arggghh. btw i live in my father's friend's house.. my papa retired two years ago..

alamak now got headache... always after come frm tuition got headacher cause of the bus.. मेरो नाम सुनीता तमंग हो। this means my name is sunita tamang in nepalese. cool. can use this language here. lol. i am appearing offline now.. yesterday talked to cheryl in skool.. mrs ng called her back.. i tink she came back to relief a class..

cheryl was a trainee teacher in our skool this year.... she left already..felt kind of awkward talking to her.
maybe becoz she was in a rush tt's y it felt awkward?? the last time also felt so awkward ralking to her.. both of us were in a hurry.Used to see her everyday in skool last time but not anymore. oh no no. i am not lesbian.
she's one of those ppl who makes me smile :)

now listening to clay aiken's song. feels so good have made so many new friends this year.. mostly frm 4E2.. haha.. the peaceful gang is cool ya. wonder who is the founder.. jovin?fauzy?adrian?jay? daryl?
hmm.. anw it's cool. face alot of problems nowdays.. sleeping problems.. headache.. sighhh.. last time was sleeping so soundly then suddenly opened my eyes cause my heart was pumping like hell.. suddenly i felt so scared it was as if something bad was going to happen..

i guess i recalled tt moment when i was told tt my mother who was in nepal passed on.. i cried like hell..
i just couldnt believe it.. and the worse thing is tt even my sis got to talk to her.. my sis and i stayed behind here in sg to study then my sis wanted to go for a holiday then she got talk to our mom.. then when my sis said 'bye' my mom said" dont say bye". was tt a hint frm god tt she was going to pass on?? i feel as if i am a jinx.. i didnt even get to talk to my mom.. :'( and the worse thing is she passed on just two days be4 my first written "N" lvl paper.. i was devasted.. fortunately wad i studied came out.. my first paper was SS.. surpringsly later on i realised tt for combined human(SS,HISTORY) i was the top in my class for "N" lvl.. even got an award for it.. i hope my mom saw it.. i was like so nervous cause i am scared to stand on e stage in front of so many ppl..

after my ss paper.. i went out with my relative for some last minute shopping coz i was going to nepal the next day. my father had called me.. and then he related to me wad happened.. then he asked me whether sis and i wanted to come to nepal for the funeral.. i didnt want to go at first.. i have always run away frm reality. but then i realised i have to accept wad had happened. then i said ok i will come. then he waited for us.. when we reached nepal.. i couldnt believe my eyes.. my brother had grown so much.. he was so happy to see us. esp me.. i guess i was closer to him than my sis.. i held back my tears when i saw him.. i really miss him, papa and mother. i also couldnt recognise my house.. at last it was complete.. my father and his brothers families were waiting for my sis and me to arrive at the roof.. he looked so weary even though he did not show it i could feel it.. he's my father after all.. i met my dog for the first time. omg. i love it. i love animals.

when i finally saw my mom's dead body when it was time for the rituals at my house.. i held back my tears.. finally when i saw my father let out a few tears.. i couldnt stand it and i cried out my heart.. i cried behind my broher's back. i dont know why brother and sis never cry... somemore my bro was soo close to my mom.. then one of the aunts came to console me.. but i couldnt stop crying.. luckily his father was beside my father to console my father. i was kind of shocked to see his father there...

I was also really shocked when on the second day i was there my father gave me the keys of the house.. he told me i would hold on to it as long i was there.. he trusted me so much tt he gave me the keys of the house.. he gave it to me and not my sis... i really wonder why since sis the eldest of us kids. so whenever any1 needed keys to any of the rooms they would have to get it frm me... on the moment of the pyre i held back my tears.. then a few minutes later.. her body turned into ashes.. we then headed back home. my mom always wanted me to re-bond my hair.. i will.. after my "O"lvl. after she passed away.. she came to my dreams often.. then those dreams stopped... then recenly i saw her in my dreams.. she came as a ghost this time. ok ok. i tink better stop writing ady. wrote too much ady.
bye

Freak!!

sigghhh...... i am going to freak out soon!!!!! why dont the try to understand what i am going through? when did i not inform tt i was sick? tt freak thinks it's so easy for me to go through this? does he even know wad i am going through?? i really feel like running away frm this house. it's my not my house anw. if u think u can threaten me by using my father's name, u are wrong. u see if i dont criticise u despite the fact u r elder than me. i dont care. u r lucky i didnt burst today or it would have been the worst day of ur life. i would have made quite a scene tt u would regret wad u said to me earlier. anw i tink my father will support me rather than support u. if my father supports u then i will go and die.


this is really not easy for me. last year nearing my "N" level just two days be4 my first "N" lvl paper, my mom passed away.. i managed to pass my "N" lvl.. now tt my "O" lvl is nearing, my sis is running into serious health problems.. am i a jinx or wad?? i need an answer to all these.. i dont know how much longer i can hold on.. i rather be in skool than to be at home.. tt's y i stay in skool 6pm to study rather than staying at home.. i am yearning for my mum everyday.. i see children with their mum.. i also wished she was still alive and with me.. i hide my sadness within me everyday.. trying to enjoy as much as my time with my friends in skool....but it will over very soon.. i will be going back to nepal forever at the end of november. like lali didi said no one understands the emotional battle within me. it's true. so true. i hope i can last long. i really hope so. just try and be me for a day.. then u will understand... i just cried till my eyes went red..

Confused

damn. i havent blogged for so long. sigh.. feel so useless. cant even understand wad tt person is going through. i feel as if a demon has possesed me. dont know y suddenly last nite i started crying and thrashing abt my bed. my heart was in pain. so painful. i felt like injuring myself. felt like running away and never come back again. or am i going mad? when i woke up i realised tt one of my fingers was painful.i tink i did injure it when i was thrashing abt my bed yest nite. today morning i tried to avoid my friends... i dont know wad's happening to me.

Disturbed :(

it's 4 am in e morning and i am awaken by my sis's calls and messages. she has returned back to yesterday.. thoughts of committing suicide and she nearly did it again. thank god i threatened to kill my self if she did anytink to herself and i really meant it. i dont know whether i will be alive for long with in this life with my sis in such problems.. i might just end off my life to avoid it all 2gether.. anw how long can i live when my greatest support at e moment. my sis, is giving up on her life? 2mr might just be my last day of my life. but then again i want to take care of father, sister and brother. show to the world tt gals can also raise their parents not only guys.. since my brother is still young.. i want to take over tt duty..if not for them, i wuld have ended my life a long time ago..

thursday.. so fun!!

The day was great today except in e morning. wah lah. suddenly the teachers came to e library.
i was sleeping when mr lee ck came inside. then i woke up with a start and pretended to read e book i had with me. oh yea. this reminds me.i havent finish reading the book.looks like i am not going to sleep today.

have to give 2mr ady. then he said "do dnt, dont read a book". then i was like ok.
then next came ms wong and told me "do history" then i was like wth!!
so i just ignored both of them and continue my own reading. then later so many teachers came then ran away frm der then went to e canteen with yue mei. we talked then later after recess had lessons. then after tt went to kovan to buy farewell & birthday present for ms yeo she is leaving 2mr so is mr thoufic.
Then stayed in skool just to kill time as i always do. by then jovin and friends were going home.

After a while fauzy called to ask me whether i was still in skool and i said yes then he asked me to help him see whether he left his wallet in e basketball court in skool.I then went to search and heng found it. so relieved.
Gave him a call then i kept it and going to return to him 2mr. he wanted to treat me but i rejected. very happy tt i had a chance t help my friend and thank him for having tt trust tt i wil keep his wallet and return it to him 2mr.

he has a surprise for me 2mr. wahh!! he keep me in suspense!!! anw after tt ms yeo came and we took a pic.
Later ms yeo, mr thaufic, ms nureen and mr lim were roller blading! how i wished i could join them!! yay.
My leg now all right ady, can play PE. but still havent done my NAFA test yet. haiz. then after tt when i was reading my book at the student lounge, ms yeo came over to talk to me then later mr thoufic joined us.

It was so fun talking to them. we talked abt so many things. frm one topic it lead to another topic. realli so sad tt both of them are leaving 2mr. it's their last day in bartley 2mr. but they willl be visiting the skool!! yay!! have to go meet my sis now!! never meet her for one whole week ady!! FINALLY get to meet her. YAY!!!!

No more control of my emotions

I feel so horrible inside out. Why r things in such a rush!! i am so lost. ms yeo also leaving this friday.
sigh.i will really miss her. my strength is slowly fading away frm me. i have no one to turn to at the moment. facing everything all alone. suddenly all the problems just come be4 me and i dont know wad to do.

prelim results also very bad. have to see the HOD to get my report book. dnt failed... both folio and theory. i am so angry at myself. now i am not able to study. the feeling inside me really makes me sad.
not able to concentrate on wad i want to do. self reflecting on wad i have done for the past 17 years..

feel so useless. so much problems. hard to deal with. no one is here to comfort me.. it's just me by myself. worse thing my family is not by my side.. realli miss them. feel so jealous and sad when i see other families 2gether.. i feel like giving up ady.. SIGH. losing control of my emotions... it's just taking over me. no appetite yet ate so much without knowing.