damn. gastric pain disturbed my beauty sleep in e morning. woke up at 7am.
haiz. too lazy to eat so came online.. onli 3 ppl online.. Jovin,adrian, and sly.
then viewed this guy's blog. just knew him onli.
then later bathe and then ate breakfast.
then watched TV. spongebob and power ranger SPD. shit. tt was the last episode.
haiz. dont watch tv nwadays.. the kids and aunt are always on it.
so i dont get a chance. miss all the cartoons like power rangers, pokemon, spongebob, ultraman, winx club and alot more.. so childish!!!
i am 17 yrs old and i still watch these cartoons!! but i love these cartoons. i just love it.weee. since young.
ppl say" u so old ady still watch". i say" so wad? old cannot watch ah"?
but since sec 5 started my god.. no time no watch tv animore.. my life evolves ard skool... friends.. tuition and computer!!!
i rarely go out. well tt's me. hmm.. i go out like thrice in a year..
ya i know tt is totally mad but since young i play all day long downstairs with my friends tt i didnt really have ineterest in going out.. watching movies.. shopping.. omg!!
i hate shopping. i am so not like a girl. i just dont like going out. 15 years of my life..
i spent it playing... going out onli when parents say let's go..
i had no interest in fashion and those girlish stuff..
until i joined gals club in my gurkha camp.. then started putting on make up and earrings.. then i started dressing up.. went out with ma sis to watch movies.. ah
but since i enter this year.. i rarely go out not counting when i have to go kovan for tution every sat.
now three months left to stay here in sg.
. i have to leave for nepal after os. which means november i will be gone.. forever.
dont know whether i acan come back to singapore or not.
i hope i can. all my friends are here in sg...
well meaning skool friends... made so many friends from 4E2.. they are great.
i have not danced for such a long time... no time!! mayb will start soon.. lols.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
the one week in spent in nepal last year
As usual.. every saturday.. the day goes by so fast.. wake up at 9 in e morning.. then bathe.. eat breakfast.. go tuition.. then come back play comp.. the internet also so wah liao.. it comes and go.. so irritating.. mummy i need u.. omg my neighbour the sound system is in full blast... oopsss.... i just realised it is in this very house.. shucks. phew.. just switched it off.. damn the kids.. arggghh. btw i live in my father's friend's house.. my papa retired two years ago..
alamak now got headache... always after come frm tuition got headacher cause of the bus.. मेरो नाम सुनीता तमंग हो। this means my name is sunita tamang in nepalese. cool. can use this language here. lol. i am appearing offline now.. yesterday talked to cheryl in skool.. mrs ng called her back.. i tink she came back to relief a class..
cheryl was a trainee teacher in our skool this year.... she left already..felt kind of awkward talking to her.
maybe becoz she was in a rush tt's y it felt awkward?? the last time also felt so awkward ralking to her.. both of us were in a hurry.Used to see her everyday in skool last time but not anymore. oh no no. i am not lesbian.
she's one of those ppl who makes me smile :)
now listening to clay aiken's song. feels so good have made so many new friends this year.. mostly frm 4E2.. haha.. the peaceful gang is cool ya. wonder who is the founder.. jovin?fauzy?adrian?jay? daryl?
hmm.. anw it's cool. face alot of problems nowdays.. sleeping problems.. headache.. sighhh.. last time was sleeping so soundly then suddenly opened my eyes cause my heart was pumping like hell.. suddenly i felt so scared it was as if something bad was going to happen..
i guess i recalled tt moment when i was told tt my mother who was in nepal passed on.. i cried like hell..
i just couldnt believe it.. and the worse thing is tt even my sis got to talk to her.. my sis and i stayed behind here in sg to study then my sis wanted to go for a holiday then she got talk to our mom.. then when my sis said 'bye' my mom said" dont say bye". was tt a hint frm god tt she was going to pass on?? i feel as if i am a jinx.. i didnt even get to talk to my mom.. :'( and the worse thing is she passed on just two days be4 my first written "N" lvl paper.. i was devasted.. fortunately wad i studied came out.. my first paper was SS.. surpringsly later on i realised tt for combined human(SS,HISTORY) i was the top in my class for "N" lvl.. even got an award for it.. i hope my mom saw it.. i was like so nervous cause i am scared to stand on e stage in front of so many ppl..
after my ss paper.. i went out with my relative for some last minute shopping coz i was going to nepal the next day. my father had called me.. and then he related to me wad happened.. then he asked me whether sis and i wanted to come to nepal for the funeral.. i didnt want to go at first.. i have always run away frm reality. but then i realised i have to accept wad had happened. then i said ok i will come. then he waited for us.. when we reached nepal.. i couldnt believe my eyes.. my brother had grown so much.. he was so happy to see us. esp me.. i guess i was closer to him than my sis.. i held back my tears when i saw him.. i really miss him, papa and mother. i also couldnt recognise my house.. at last it was complete.. my father and his brothers families were waiting for my sis and me to arrive at the roof.. he looked so weary even though he did not show it i could feel it.. he's my father after all.. i met my dog for the first time. omg. i love it. i love animals.
when i finally saw my mom's dead body when it was time for the rituals at my house.. i held back my tears.. finally when i saw my father let out a few tears.. i couldnt stand it and i cried out my heart.. i cried behind my broher's back. i dont know why brother and sis never cry... somemore my bro was soo close to my mom.. then one of the aunts came to console me.. but i couldnt stop crying.. luckily his father was beside my father to console my father. i was kind of shocked to see his father there...
I was also really shocked when on the second day i was there my father gave me the keys of the house.. he told me i would hold on to it as long i was there.. he trusted me so much tt he gave me the keys of the house.. he gave it to me and not my sis... i really wonder why since sis the eldest of us kids. so whenever any1 needed keys to any of the rooms they would have to get it frm me... on the moment of the pyre i held back my tears.. then a few minutes later.. her body turned into ashes.. we then headed back home. my mom always wanted me to re-bond my hair.. i will.. after my "O"lvl. after she passed away.. she came to my dreams often.. then those dreams stopped... then recenly i saw her in my dreams.. she came as a ghost this time. ok ok. i tink better stop writing ady. wrote too much ady.
bye
alamak now got headache... always after come frm tuition got headacher cause of the bus.. मेरो नाम सुनीता तमंग हो। this means my name is sunita tamang in nepalese. cool. can use this language here. lol. i am appearing offline now.. yesterday talked to cheryl in skool.. mrs ng called her back.. i tink she came back to relief a class..
cheryl was a trainee teacher in our skool this year.... she left already..felt kind of awkward talking to her.
maybe becoz she was in a rush tt's y it felt awkward?? the last time also felt so awkward ralking to her.. both of us were in a hurry.Used to see her everyday in skool last time but not anymore. oh no no. i am not lesbian.
she's one of those ppl who makes me smile :)
now listening to clay aiken's song. feels so good have made so many new friends this year.. mostly frm 4E2.. haha.. the peaceful gang is cool ya. wonder who is the founder.. jovin?fauzy?adrian?jay? daryl?
hmm.. anw it's cool. face alot of problems nowdays.. sleeping problems.. headache.. sighhh.. last time was sleeping so soundly then suddenly opened my eyes cause my heart was pumping like hell.. suddenly i felt so scared it was as if something bad was going to happen..
i guess i recalled tt moment when i was told tt my mother who was in nepal passed on.. i cried like hell..
i just couldnt believe it.. and the worse thing is tt even my sis got to talk to her.. my sis and i stayed behind here in sg to study then my sis wanted to go for a holiday then she got talk to our mom.. then when my sis said 'bye' my mom said" dont say bye". was tt a hint frm god tt she was going to pass on?? i feel as if i am a jinx.. i didnt even get to talk to my mom.. :'( and the worse thing is she passed on just two days be4 my first written "N" lvl paper.. i was devasted.. fortunately wad i studied came out.. my first paper was SS.. surpringsly later on i realised tt for combined human(SS,HISTORY) i was the top in my class for "N" lvl.. even got an award for it.. i hope my mom saw it.. i was like so nervous cause i am scared to stand on e stage in front of so many ppl..
after my ss paper.. i went out with my relative for some last minute shopping coz i was going to nepal the next day. my father had called me.. and then he related to me wad happened.. then he asked me whether sis and i wanted to come to nepal for the funeral.. i didnt want to go at first.. i have always run away frm reality. but then i realised i have to accept wad had happened. then i said ok i will come. then he waited for us.. when we reached nepal.. i couldnt believe my eyes.. my brother had grown so much.. he was so happy to see us. esp me.. i guess i was closer to him than my sis.. i held back my tears when i saw him.. i really miss him, papa and mother. i also couldnt recognise my house.. at last it was complete.. my father and his brothers families were waiting for my sis and me to arrive at the roof.. he looked so weary even though he did not show it i could feel it.. he's my father after all.. i met my dog for the first time. omg. i love it. i love animals.
when i finally saw my mom's dead body when it was time for the rituals at my house.. i held back my tears.. finally when i saw my father let out a few tears.. i couldnt stand it and i cried out my heart.. i cried behind my broher's back. i dont know why brother and sis never cry... somemore my bro was soo close to my mom.. then one of the aunts came to console me.. but i couldnt stop crying.. luckily his father was beside my father to console my father. i was kind of shocked to see his father there...
I was also really shocked when on the second day i was there my father gave me the keys of the house.. he told me i would hold on to it as long i was there.. he trusted me so much tt he gave me the keys of the house.. he gave it to me and not my sis... i really wonder why since sis the eldest of us kids. so whenever any1 needed keys to any of the rooms they would have to get it frm me... on the moment of the pyre i held back my tears.. then a few minutes later.. her body turned into ashes.. we then headed back home. my mom always wanted me to re-bond my hair.. i will.. after my "O"lvl. after she passed away.. she came to my dreams often.. then those dreams stopped... then recenly i saw her in my dreams.. she came as a ghost this time. ok ok. i tink better stop writing ady. wrote too much ady.
bye
Friday, June 29, 2007
Freak!!
sigghhh...... i am going to freak out soon!!!!! why dont the try to understand what i am going through? when did i not inform tt i was sick? tt freak thinks it's so easy for me to go through this? does he even know wad i am going through?? i really feel like running away frm this house. it's my not my house anw. if u think u can threaten me by using my father's name, u are wrong. u see if i dont criticise u despite the fact u r elder than me. i dont care. u r lucky i didnt burst today or it would have been the worst day of ur life. i would have made quite a scene tt u would regret wad u said to me earlier. anw i tink my father will support me rather than support u. if my father supports u then i will go and die.
this is really not easy for me. last year nearing my "N" level just two days be4 my first "N" lvl paper, my mom passed away.. i managed to pass my "N" lvl.. now tt my "O" lvl is nearing, my sis is running into serious health problems.. am i a jinx or wad?? i need an answer to all these.. i dont know how much longer i can hold on.. i rather be in skool than to be at home.. tt's y i stay in skool 6pm to study rather than staying at home.. i am yearning for my mum everyday.. i see children with their mum.. i also wished she was still alive and with me.. i hide my sadness within me everyday.. trying to enjoy as much as my time with my friends in skool....but it will over very soon.. i will be going back to nepal forever at the end of november. like lali didi said no one understands the emotional battle within me. it's true. so true. i hope i can last long. i really hope so. just try and be me for a day.. then u will understand... i just cried till my eyes went red..
this is really not easy for me. last year nearing my "N" level just two days be4 my first "N" lvl paper, my mom passed away.. i managed to pass my "N" lvl.. now tt my "O" lvl is nearing, my sis is running into serious health problems.. am i a jinx or wad?? i need an answer to all these.. i dont know how much longer i can hold on.. i rather be in skool than to be at home.. tt's y i stay in skool 6pm to study rather than staying at home.. i am yearning for my mum everyday.. i see children with their mum.. i also wished she was still alive and with me.. i hide my sadness within me everyday.. trying to enjoy as much as my time with my friends in skool....but it will over very soon.. i will be going back to nepal forever at the end of november. like lali didi said no one understands the emotional battle within me. it's true. so true. i hope i can last long. i really hope so. just try and be me for a day.. then u will understand... i just cried till my eyes went red..
Monday, June 11, 2007
Confused
damn. i havent blogged for so long. sigh.. feel so useless. cant even understand wad tt person is going through. i feel as if a demon has possesed me. dont know y suddenly last nite i started crying and thrashing abt my bed. my heart was in pain. so painful. i felt like injuring myself. felt like running away and never come back again. or am i going mad? when i woke up i realised tt one of my fingers was painful.i tink i did injure it when i was thrashing abt my bed yest nite. today morning i tried to avoid my friends... i dont know wad's happening to me.
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